All I could say is I'm sorry. Not because I was wrong, but, because I can't forgive you. It was just too painful. I was so hurt. I still couldn't believe that you can actually say those things. I was really hurt.
I wanted to forget everything, forgive everything because I thought that if God can forgive us for all our sins, I can too. But, how can I, if just a flash of that memory, a wave of pain comes to my heart? How can I forgive you for all the hurtful words you threw at me? Tell me.
There's a small place in my mind that wishes all of it never happened, that you never said those things, and that you never insulted me.
I remember all our talks, how you taught me some things that I should learn, and how I treated you like my best friend with whom I can tell my secrets and my heartaches. But, all of it vanished with just a quick flashback. It was done.
Then reality showed me every truth. You did said all those painful words. You did insulted me. You did abandoned me. You did all of it. You hurt me.
So, I'm saying sorry because I don't know if I could ever forgive you. I HATE YOU!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Mountain of Trash
Lately, I've been thinking why I have so many bad decisions. Why is it so hard for me to decide about things?
I have been through a lot these last two months. I've fought with strong emotions and fear. I wonder how I managed everything. I fell and got buried in a mountain of trash. I can't see anything. There's no light, no sound, and nothing to hold onto. I was lost.
I didn't know how to get out. My mind was screaming " get out, get out, GET OUT!". But how? Where do I start?
It seemed like everyone had abandoned me. They were all angry at me. And disappointed. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to face them. I felt ashamed of myself.
Then, someone called out " I'll help you!". I felt hope.
I fought. I fought very hard till I saw a little light. I grabbed it for it was all I had to get out of this mess. I need to fight, so, I fought. I fought very hard.
Somehow, I won. I was brought back to life. It was all very bright again. I can laugh again. I'm free and I'm happy.
I got recycled!
I have been through a lot these last two months. I've fought with strong emotions and fear. I wonder how I managed everything. I fell and got buried in a mountain of trash. I can't see anything. There's no light, no sound, and nothing to hold onto. I was lost.
I didn't know how to get out. My mind was screaming " get out, get out, GET OUT!". But how? Where do I start?
It seemed like everyone had abandoned me. They were all angry at me. And disappointed. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to face them. I felt ashamed of myself.
Then, someone called out " I'll help you!". I felt hope.
I fought. I fought very hard till I saw a little light. I grabbed it for it was all I had to get out of this mess. I need to fight, so, I fought. I fought very hard.
Somehow, I won. I was brought back to life. It was all very bright again. I can laugh again. I'm free and I'm happy.
I got recycled!
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