Mental

It was 9 pm and we just finished eating dinner. Me and my father were sitting on the sofa watching television. My father was watching a sports channel. Cycling was on and I was not that interested. I was not a fan of cycling. My father said it was the first of the biggest races in cycling. It's called Giro d'Italia. I wasn't that interested and I was just watching mindlessly. Then, the camera showed a cyclist. He looked at the camera and then, he smiled.

His smile pierced through my heart. I was enchanted. I couldn't speak at first and then I asked who he was. My stomach twisted at the sound of his name. I couldn't breathe.

I feel something. That, I am quite sure. What I don't know is, is it just a crush? or something bigger?

Is it just an infatuation? or is it something more?

My feelings deepened. I wanted to know everything about him. I found out that he's an Italian, he's 31 years old and just turned 32 today. When I knew what his age was, I immediately decided that age doesn't matter for me. Pathetic, right?

I also wanted to have a picture of him. I spent hours in the internet just browsing through Google for pictures. I also have an album in Facebook just for him. I also became interested in cycling. I found myself always looking forward for upcoming races that he might be interested to join. I even wanted to learn how to speak Italian and live in Italy.

And, then, the daydreams began to come. First,  I saw myself becoming a journalist and covering cycling. I saw myself meeting him and having a relationship with him. And, I saw myself getting engaged and then married to him and having a family together. I was in love with him.

More daydreams came and this time, it was more detailed. I can see how he will say he's in love with me too. I can also feel how our kiss would be. I was definitely in love with him.

The problem is, he doesn't know anything. He doesn't even know me. He doesn't know that, somewhere on Earth, there's me that's in love with him.

Then, I realized I was obsessed. I'm obsessed right now. I am very concerned because it has become an obsession. And, I think it's not good.

But, I'll always have the thought of him. There's a part of me that still hopes for the impossible, but I'll always know it would remain impossible. I get tired loving him sometimes, but, I'm already in too deep. I know I can't fool myself.

And, I could only comfort myself with his imaginary arms, his imaginary stares, and his imaginary kisses.